IS PARIS THE NEW COACHELLA, SERIOUS QUESTION, PEOPLE

SERIOUS QUESTION, PEOPLE. THERE IS SOMETHING ALMOST COMICAL ABOUT WATCHING THE LOWER EAST SIDE ARRIVE IN PARIS WITH A RIMOWA, A SUBSTACK AND AN ENTIRELY UNEXAMINED RELATIONSHIP TO PROPERTY PRICES.

I MEAN, TIKTOK IS WHAT? WHERE TO NEXT? WITH THE LIPGLOSS AND THOSE TINY HORIZONTAL GLASSES AND YOUR HAIR SCRAPED BACK, A SILK PENCIL SKIRT DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE PERSONAL STYLE. IT MEANS YOU HAVE WIFI. COULD BE WORSE THOUGH. GRIMACE.

FOR YEARS, NEW YORK HAS BEEN WRITING ITS OWN ELEGY FOREVER. EVERY YEAR THE COOL BARS CLOSE. EVERY YEAR THE RENTS WENT UP. EVERY YEAR THE ARTISTS MOVED OUT. THE GALLERIES MOVED TO WHEREVER GALLERIES GO WHEN THEIR RENT HITS $40,000 A MONTH. THE RESTAURANTS BECAME RESERVATION PLATFORMS. BUT YOU KNOW YOU REALLY KNOW WHEN THE LOFT BECAME A BRAND EXPERIENCE. BUT SERIOUSLY NO ONE WANTS TO ALWAYS SHOP AT A BODEGA. I GET IT. IT'S LIKE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME. EVERY GENERATION HAS ANNOUNCED THAT THE LOWER EAST SIDE WAS OR IS DEAD, USUALLY WHILE PAYING FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH TO LIVE THERE. I'M TALKING TO THOSE CHELSEA KIDS TOO. ME INCLUDED, PROBABLY. THEN AT SOME POINT THE SOLUTION PRESENTED ITSELF. PARIS. NOT JIM MORRISON’S PARIS. NOT OSCAR WILDE’S PARIS. THOUGH THEY STILL  RESIDE IN THE 20TH. FOR NOW. NO NOT BAUDELAIRE’S PARIS OR BALDWIN’S. NOT THE PARIS OF MONTPARNASSE, MAY ’68, CHEAP WINE, BAD PLUMBING AND ACTUAL EXILE.

PARIS AS REAL-ESTATE ARBITRAGE. PARIS AS THE NEXT NEIGHBOURHOOD. PARIS AS DIMES SQ. PARIS AS THE PLACE WHERE YOUR DOLLARS STILL MADE YOU FEEL SLIGHTLY RICH AND YOUR EXISTING WARDROBE SLIGHTY MADE YOU LOOK LIKE CAROLYN BESSETTE .

SO THEY CAME. THE BRIDGE AND TUNNEL TRASH IN BUSINESS CLASS. THE CREATIVE DETRITIS. THE PEOPLE WHO HAD FINALLY EXHAUSTED NEW YORK’S ABILITY TO MAKE THEM FEEL INTERESTING. THE PEOPLE WITH THREE JOB TITLES. THE PEOPLE WHO APPEAR TO WORK EXCLUSIVELY IN GOOGLE SLIDES. THE PEOPLE WHO ANNOUNCED THEY WERE LEAVING AMERICA FOR A “BETTER QUALITY OF LIFE” VIA HYDRA AND IMMEDIATELY STARTED SEARCHING FOR A 140-SQUARE-METRE APARTMENT IN THE MARAIS WITH SOUTHERN LIGHT, THREE BEDROOMS AND “CHARACTER.” A BRAVE ROLL OF THE DICE FOR THE AGED-OUT EXILES. PERHAPS THE INSTAGRAM CATS CAME FIRST. THE ONES WHO MIGHT BE ON ONLY FANS TOO. WITH JUST ENOUGH MYSTERY AROUND THEIR BODY TO MAKE EVERYONE ELSE WANT TO SEE IT. THE KIDS WHO KNEW WHERE TO EAT BEFORE THE RESTAURANT HAD A PR. THE PEOPLE WITH 700 SAVED GOOGLE MAP LOCATIONS, A BAG FROM THE REAL REAL, A FRIEND AT SILENCIO. A CLUB SANDWHICH AT THE RITZ AND THE SUPERNATURAL ABILITY TO TURN SITTING OUTSIDE A BAR INTO A GLOBAL MARKETING EVENT. THEY ARRIVED WITH SOME TASTE. WHICH, TO BE FAIR, IS RARE ENOUGH.  BUT WHAT THEY REALLY BROUGHT WAS THE AURA.

THEN THE TECH BROS FOLLOWED. YOU KNOW THE ONES THAT BANGED ON ABOUT THE BLOCK CHAIN BUT NOW PRAY AT THE ALTAR OF AI.  BUT THESE CREATURES DID NOT COME FOR PARIS EXACTLY. THEY COME FOR PROXIMITY TO THE AURA. THEY WANT THE TABLE NEXT TO THE AURA AT COSTES. THE AFTER-PARTIES WITH THE AURA AT L'AVENUE. THEY WANT TO EXIST WITHIN THE SAME NEIGHBOURHOODS AS THE AURA. THE SAME CASUAL ACCESS TO A WORLD MONEY CAN ENTER BUT NEVER QUITE UNDERSTAND BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO TASTE. THIS IS WHY A MAN WHO SOLD A SOFTWARE COMPANY FOR $80 MILLION TO ANOTHER TECH BRO WHO HAS $100 MILLION BUT NO NEW IDEAS. WILL SPEND THREE HOURS TRYING TO GET INTO A DINNER WHERE NOBODY HAS A REAL JOB. BECAUSE CAPITAL HAS ALWAYS CHASED CULTURE. THIS IS THE GAGOSIAN EFFECT. FIRST IT FUNDS IT. SETS ITS OWN PRICE. BUYS IT'S OWN ART TO CREATE THE MARKET. AND FINALLY RESELLS IT TO THE DREAMER BUYING THE BUILDING NEXT DOOR TO IT. AND THESE CATS MADE PARIS LOOK STRANGELY DESIRABLE TO THEIR ALUMNI. STRANGE.

A CERTAIN INTERNATIONAL CLASS LOOKED UP FROM THEIR MEMBERS CLUBS AND THOUGHT, WAIT, ARE WE DOING PARIS AGAIN? THEY SIMPLY MUSt FOLLOW THE SIGNAL. AND ONCE THE PEOPLE WITH ACTUAL CAPITAL ARRIVE CHASING THE PEOPLE WITH CULTURAL CAPITAL, THE RENT DOES NOT STAND A CHANCE. THE WHOLE THING BECOMES AN AURA ECONOMY. LIVE IN THE RIGHT ARRONDISSEMENT. BE NEXT TO A TEMPORARY FASHION-WEEK SHOWROOM. GET INTO THE RIGHT BUILDING. DATE THE RIGHT PERSON. GET THE RIGHT PERSON TO CUT THEIR HAIR SHORT. BUY THE RIGHT BRAND FOR THAT PERSON. BUY THE RIGHT APARTMENT. STAND OUTSIDE THE RIGHT NATTY WINE BAR LOOKING SLIGHTLY BORED WITH A SKINNY CIGARETTE. BE CLOSE ENOUGH TO THE RIGHT PEOPLE AND PERHAPS SOME OF THEIR RELEVANCE WILL RUB OFF ONTO YOU AMEX. PARIS AS A MEMBERSHIP TIER.

THEN CAME THE MEDIOCRE BRANDS. DAZZLED BY THE AURA COMMUNITY. SWEET LORD. THE MEDIOCRITY. THE ONES OBSESSED WITH THE CITY AS FREE ART DIRECTION. WHY HAVE AN IDEA WHEN A HAUSSMANN FACADE IS ALREADY STANDING THERE? DAHM THE AURA OF IT ALL. MUST I WRITE A LIST LIKE BRENDA. STAR OF WHATEVER APP IS APPROPRIATE TO YOUR AGE. AURA. TECH BRO. MONEY. MEDIOCRITY. CONTENT. MONETISE. REPEAT UNTIL DEATH DO US DEPART. CULTURE CREATES THE SIGNAL. MONEY FOLLOWS THE SIGNAL. SOCIAL REPRODUCES THE SIGNAL UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT ATHENS. LET’S CALL IT DOORWAY CONTENT.

I AM A PROFESSIONAL DOORWAY DIRECTOR. GUILTY AS CHARGED. A GOOD DOORWAY IS A GOOD DOORWAY. PARIS AS A PRODUCTION HACK. THE GREAT TRAGEDY IS NOT THAT PEOPLE COPY THE LOOK. IT IS THAT THEY COPY ME BADLY. AND NOW PARIS HAS BECOME THE COACHELLA OF FASHION. THE AURA MASSIVE HAS SUCKED EVERYONE IN. EVERYONE IS DOCUMENTING THAT THEY ARE THERE FOR THE EXTENDED AURA. EVERYONE IS SOMEHOW WORKING FOR THE AURA, NETWORKING, DJING, CONSULTING, HOSTING, SHOOTING, STYLING, LAUNCHING, COLLABORATING, ADVISING, CURATING, “BUILDING SOMETHING” OR HAS “BASICALLY MOVED THERE. BASICALLY WITH AURA. MEANING THREE WEEKS. OR AT LEAST FOR SUMMER. WHICH IS PARTICULARLY FUNNY BECAUSE AN ACTUAL PARISIENNE WOULD RATHER BE FOUND DEAD IN A MOTORWAY SERVICE STATION THAN IN PARIS IN AUGUST. BUT FOR THE INTERNATIONAL CREATIVE CLASS, JULY AND AUGUST HAS BECOME SEASONAL CONFIRMATION OF RELEVANCE. AND THE COUTURE SHOWS.

THE SAME MIGRATORY GROUP TALKING ABOUT HOW SPECIAL AND UNTOUCHED THE CITY STILL FEELS. AT  LIPP. AT DE FLORE. THE CIGARETTE ON THE TERRACE. SMALL DISHES. BUTTER. YOU HAVE BEEN IN PARIS FOR SIX MINUTES. WHAT WAS ONCE A FASHION CAPITAL HAS BECOME FASHION’S FESTIVAL SITE. ALL MUST ATTEND. A PLACE WHERE AN ENTIRE ADJACENT INDUSTRY ARRIVES EN MASSE TO CONSUME ITS OWN IMAGE. AND LIKE COACHELLA, THE ORIGINAL CULTURE IS STILL THERE SOMEWHERE. YOU JUST HAVE TO LOOK PAST THE ATHLEISURE NO PARISIAN WOULD EVER WEAR. AND THEY ARE GENERALLY AT DINNER WITH FRIENDS OR AT HOME.

THIS IS NOT A NEW STORY. THE GREEK TRAGEDIES ARE BETTER. BUT CITIES HAVE ALWAYS BEEN REMADE BY PEOPLE ARRIVING WITH MORE MONEY THAN THE PEOPLE ALREADY THERE. ARTISTS MOVE INTO WORKING-CLASS NEIGHBOURHOODS BECAUSE THE RENT IS CHEAP. THE GALLERY WALLS ARE ALL WONKY TO BEGIN WITH. NATTY WINE BARS FOLLOW THE ARTISTS. MONEY FOLLOWS THE NATTY WINE BARS. DEVELOPERS FOLLOW THE MONEY. A PILATES STUDIO INSPIRED BY MAJORCA APPEARS. THEN A SHOP SELLING A SINGLE CERAMIC BOWL FOR €180. EVENTUALLY THE ARTISTS WRITE ESSAYS ABOUT HOW THE NEIGHBOURHOOD HAS LOST ITS SOUL. EYE ROLL. ME. THEN THEY MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE AND START AGAIN. UNTIL THEY SEE THEMSELVES EN MASSE AND DECLARE IT “OVER.” THE GREEK TRAGEDY OF COACHELLA GENTRIFICATION IS THAT ALMOST EVERYONE INVOLVED BELIEVES THEY ARE THE EXCEPTION. ME INCLUDED. NO ONE THINKS THEY ARE THE DEVELOPER. THEY ARE JUST LOOKING FOR SPACE. THEY ARE JUST LOOKING FOR SOMETHING REAL. THEY JUST NEED AN EXTRA BEDROOM BECAUSE THEY WORK FROM HOME. THEY JUST WANT TO SHOP LIKE A LOCAL. THEY JUST WANT THE BUTCHER, THE BAKER, THE LITTLE BAR DOWNSTAIRS AND THE OLD LADY WHO HAS LIVED IN THE BUILDING SINCE 1973. THEY JUST WANT THE OLD LADY’S APARTMENT. 

THERE IS A PARTICULAR KIND OF FORMER CULTURAL EXILE WHO HAS SPENT THE LAST DECADE COMPLAINING ABOUT WHAT WEALTH DID TO MANHATTAN WHILE REMAINING MYSTERIOUSLY UNABLE TO RECOGNISE WEALTH WHEN IT IS THEIR OWN. THE RENT IN NEW YORK WAS INSANE. THOUGH THEY DID HAVE FIVE APARTMENTS SUB LET TO FRIENDS OF FRIENDS. THE RENT IN PARIS IS “ACTUALLY QUITE REASONABLE.” REASONABLE TO WHOM? IS ALWAYS A GOOD QUESTION. A THREE-THOUSAND-EURO APARTMENT CAN LOOK LIKE A MIRACLE WHEN YOU HAVE SPENT TEN YEARS NORMALISING FIVE-THOUSAND-DOLLAR RENT. IT LOOKS SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT IF YOU ARE PAID A FRENCH SALARY. THE SAME PERSON WHO COULD NOT BELIEVE THEIR LANDLORD RAISED THE RENT BY EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS IN NEW YORK WILL CASUALLY OFFER ABOVE ASKING IN PARIS BECAUSE THEY “REALLY LOVE THE AREA.” IT WAS HARD ENOUGH GETTING OFFERED AN APARTMENT AS A FOREIGN NATIONAL. BABES. WAHTEVER IT IS WE'RE GETTING IT. AND SO YOU ARE THE RENT INCREASE NOW. THIS IS HOW CITIES CHANGE. NOT THROUGH SOME GREAT CONSPIRACY OF CAPITAL. THROUGH THOUSANDS OF TINY ACTS OF AURA ENTITLEMENT COMMITTED BY PEOPLE WHO CONSIDER THEMSELVES CULTURALLY SENSITIVE.

THEY KNOW WHICH ARRONDISSEMENT IS OVER. THEY HAVE ARRIVED JUST IN TIME TO INFORM EVERYONE ELSE THAT PARIS IS CHANGING. OF COURSE IT IS CHANGING. YOU ARE HERE. THERE IS SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL ABOUT THE SPEED WITH WHICH A PERSON CAN ARRIVE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY AND BEGIN EXPLAINING IT. TWO MONTHS IN AND THEY HAVE A THEORY ABOUT FRENCH CHILDREN. THREE MONTHS IN AND THEY UNDERSTAND THE TAX SYSTEM. FOUR MONTHS IN AND THEY ARE SAYING “THE FRENCH” IN A TONE USUALLY RESERVED FOR NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC DOCUMENTARIES. SIX MONTHS IN AND THEY ARE TELLING YOU THE ELEVENTH IS FINISHED. WHICH ALWAYS CONFUSES ME AS THE ELEVENTH ARRONDISSEMENT HAS SURVIVED REVOLUTIONS. IT WILL PROBABLY SURVIVE YOUR CERAMICS PHASE.

WHAT IS HARDER TO SURVIVE IS MONEY MOVING FASTER THAN WAGES. BECAUSE CULTURE IS NOT JUST VERY COOL RESTAURANTS WITH SAMLL METAL CHAIRS, SHOWROOMS, GALLERIES AND THE AURA SMOKING SKINNY CIGARETTES OUTSIDE A NATTY WINE BAR. CULTURE IS ALSO THE PERSON WHO HAS LIVED ABOVE THE BAR FOR THIRTY YEARS. THE FAMILY WHO OWNS THE HARDWARE SHOP. THE WOMAN WHO KNOWS EVERYONE IN THE BUILDING. THE BAKER WHO GETS UP AT FOUR. THE STUDENT WHO CAN STILL AFFORD A ROOM. THE PAINTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE A TRUST FUND. THE PERSON WHO DOES NOT HAVE THE OPTION OF MOVING TO ATHENS WHEN PARIS BECOMES INCONVENIENT. THE STRANGEST THING ABOUT GLOBAL CREATIVE-CLASS MIGRATION IS HOW OFTEN IT PRESENTS ITSELF AS BOHEMIANISM WHILE OPERATING LIKE PRIVATE EQUITY.

SO REPEAT AFTER ME. FIND THE UNDERVALUED ASSET. IDENTIFY THE CULTURAL UPSIDE. MOVE EARLY. CAPTURE THE VALUE. POST FROM IT. EXIT WHEN THE MARKET BECOMES SATURATED. LOWER EAST SIDE. BROOKLYN. BERLIN. LISBON. POSSIBLY MEXICO CITY. PARIS. NEXT SOMEONE WILL DISCOVER ANTWERP AND WE WILL ALL HAVE TO LIKE IT. THE LANGUAGE CHANGES. THE STRATEGY REMAINS SURPRISINGLY CONSISTENT. AND STILL EVERYONE INSISTS THEY ARE JUST THERE FOR THE AURA. AND OF COURSE YOU ARE. AURA IS THE MOST EFFECTIVE REAL-ESTATE MARKETING CAMPAIGN EVER INVENTED. ASK THE VENETIANS. IT MAKES CAPITAL FEEL LIKE TASTE. THIS IS WHY THE WHOLE THING BECOMES SO IRRITATING WHEN IT IS WRAPPED IN THE LANGUAGE OF CRAFT AND ART.

OKAY. NEW YORK IS IMPOSSIBLE. NO ONE WANTS TO SHOP AT A BODEGA EVERY DAY. BUT WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN EVERY PERSON WITH A NEW YORK INCOME DECIDES PARIS IS THEIR AFFORDABLE ALTERNATIVE? YOU HAVE NOT ESCAPED THE SYSTEM. YOU HAVE EXPORTED IT. IN A RIMOWA. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MOVING TO PARIS BECAUSE YOU LOVE PARIS. WHO WOULDN’T? IT IS ONE OF THE GREAT CITIES OF THE WORLD. THE PROBLEM BEGINS WHEN PERSONAL DESIRE IS REPACKAGED AS AURA DISCOVERY. WHEN ECONOMIC PRIVILEGE IS CONFUSED WITH GOOD TASTE. WHEN A PERSON ARRIVES SOMEWHERE OTHER PEOPLE ALREADY LIVE AND TALKS ABOUT HAVING “FOUND” IT. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS WITH A SUBSTACK. CONQUISTADORS OF CONTENT. THE MARKET, OF COURSE, DOES NOT CARE WHY YOU CAME. YOU CAN ARRIVE FOR RIMBAUD. YOU CAN ARRIVE FOR LOVE. YOU CAN ARRIVE BECAUSE YOU HAVE ALWAYS DREAMED OF LIVING IN PARIS. YOU CAN ARRIVE BECAUSE YOUR CRUSH POSTED A SELFIE IN PLACE DES VOSGES AND YOU HAD A SPIRITUAL EVENT. YOUR LANDLORD STILL SEES THE NUMBER YOU ARE WILLING TO PAY. THAT NUMBER BECOMES A REFERENCE. THE REFERENCE BECOMES THE MARKET. THE MARKET BECOMES THE NEW RENT. THE NEW RENT BECOMES SOMEBODY ELSE’S REASON TO LEAVE. THAT IS HOW A DREAM BECOMES A COMPARABLE. THE CREATIVE CLASS HAS ALWAYS HAD A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP WITH CAPITAL BECAUSE IT LIKES TO IMAGINE ITSELF OUTSIDE IT. BUT MONEY DOES NOT BECOME LESS POWERFUL BECAUSE THE PERSON SPENDING IT OWNS A MARGIELA HERMÈS-ERA PAIR OF PANTS.

BELIEVE ME, I WISH I DID. I WOULD BE A SOCIALIST HERO BY NOW. AND THAT, PERHAPS, IS THE FINAL IRONY. THE RIVINGTON EXILES CAME TO PARIS BECAUSE NEW YORK HAD BECOME TOO EXPENSIVE, TOO POLITICAL. THE VISA RENEWAL TOO COMPLICATED. TOO CORPORATE, TOO HOMOGENISED, TOO OVERDEVELOPED, TOO FULL OF PEOPLE WITH MONEY WHO HAD ARRIVED LOOKING FOR SOMETHING AUTHENTIC. THEY JUST FAILED TO RECOGNISE THE DESCRIPTION. WHICH, AGAIN, IS VERY HUMAN. AND PROBABLY WHY I’LL SEE YOU ALL THERE AT PFW.